Buster Witwicky

May 30th, 2006

I hear the plaintive cries of the people. You may proceed to fulfill the deep-seated urge to proclaim my hotness.

I had one of my rather entertaining bizarre dreams this weekend. It started out trying to get my brother (who, in the dream, is 7) into a Chuck E. Cheese's brand restaurant / video game parlor. I and someone else (I think Madeline) were told by the bouncer that unless we accompanied a child under 5, we could not come in. Luckily, there was a loophole in that if we were only coming in to do laundry, we could. I dashed out to my car and grabbed some bags of dirty clothes, and in we went. After what seemed like 15 minutes of driving around in the golf cart through the chapel in the back of Chuck E. Cheese, we went out to the video game area to see a bunch of college kids. It was nearing closing time, so we all decided to go to a party in a nearby apartment complex. There was festivity, and music, and adult beverages, and the like. Patrick and I swooned the ladies, and I met some guy who claims to have graduated from Memorial in 2002. At 4:15, people decided to settle in, and Patrick and I decided to go for some mini-golf. We ran through the elderlys' apartments, and finally came to the sunken pit where the mini-golf course was. It was ringed with railroad ties acting as a retaining wall, and still pitch black from the hour. We hopped in, and found the putters immediately. Off in the corner was a bucket of balls, and I went to go grab one. Before I stuck my hand in, I realized that there was a copperhead in the bucket. I started freaking out. I realized that everywhere I looked, there were writhing snakes. There was a waterfall to one side of the mini-golf course, and I realized that one of the boulders that made it up was actually a snake's head when it opened its jaws and snapped at the air. Patrick and I jumped out of the pit and onto the retaining wall. There he had a trio of newborn black kittens curled up in a ball. I heard him say the words "Don't forget the panic." Somehow, I knew that he was referring to a collection of kittens as a "panic." Immediately after, one fell into the pit, and I saw three snakes slithering toward its helpless little form. That's when I woke up, with a quickened pulse and disquieted sense of reality.

I found out only this weekend at the yearly McDowell family reunion that my grandfather's pickup line that worked on his latest (and by all indications most stable) wife was "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" Some things never change.

I cannot eat the last package of a certain flavor of Pez until all the other flavors are down to their last package as well. This goes along with a psychosis I've had ever since dinner was two-portion-controlled during my childhood. It's probably the only way that 5 kids could be fed for so many years, but that doesn't stop me from keeping the stale Cinnamon Toasters in the bottom of the bag until even I can't take it and have to throw them away.

There is a faster way to find out

But it was a dollar I didn't have before

May 18th, 2006

With Patrick back in town from Santa Fe, (along with Mom and her Harley) and sporting a new bodily accoutrement from a combination of the efforts of a New Mexican artiste de tatouage and the I'm-sure-it-looks-fantastic work of Mme. Tamara de Limpicka, I've found myself going up to the local billiards parlor with him and CB and reviving my game. Back a few months ago, I found myself in search of an impulse buy with some spare money I found in a paycheck. Academy ended up with my labor-value in its coffers, but for now I'm able to walk in to places 100% guaranteed that I will have a straight cue, and in a rather striking case, if I do say so myself. The personal cue seems to have only helped my game; I was up almost 40 dollars-American on the boy before an unfortunate break in a double-or-nothing game by my partner set everything back to even. I ended the evening up but a single dollar, and a cheerful smirk. Truth be told, though, all I really need for entertainment is someone to hang out with me and watch Firefly.

Also an aficionado of the old slate, I've spent today reading the blog of Cornelius Bear. Humorous and high-brow. I love it.

Geeky clothing? Never!

My other bit of news is that I accidently found myself in a second job. It seems that the young gent that the Worx got to fill in for me there at the end has taken ill, and needs a bit of surgery. So, for the next two weeks, I'm back in the website game, as an outside consultant. We'll see how well that goes, though I do enjoy walking into a place already knowing where everything is, and how their technology is set up. It's kind of nostalgic that way.

Take me out to the black.
Tell 'em I ain't coming back.

A 5 state ride

May 12th, 2006

Dear Mother,
I hope this letter finds you well, and in good spirits. I hope too that circumstance will soon make it possible to meet again. I share my happiness with you and our family on this Mothers' Day that my thoughts may be filled with cheer and my heart with fondness as I remember Mama and the Harley that stole her away.

Love,
Billy


A wind god in Iroquois mythology

May 8th, 2006

Lots of good times this weekend, dancing with Tara Reid look-alikes, sleepily watching Firefly while cuddling, and the general good conversation. The end of the weekend was a bit sketchier, as there was a lot of blood, and some guy who looks like an ex-roommate of Doug's flipped upside down in a sink, but that's what happens sometimes in the kingdom of the Fool. I can tell you that I am not in gaol.

Speak of Doug, I'm sure he's giddy about the news in the music world. I know I am.

Patrick is on his way to Santa Fe, New Mexico to find his fame and fortune for a couple of days. I am in charge of feeding Simone, his giant-tailed, multi-gendered kitty cat. I write that more to remind myself to swing by and feed said cat than because it is of any other particular importance.

I'm also starting to ease myself into the market for a car again, starting by wandering around some lots on Sunday afternoon. I know that I should pick up some nice well-maintained used American sedan for but a little bit of money, but the new Buick Lucerne is so very very pretty. The problem is that it would need to be a CXL to get the options that I want along with the 3800 engine, and that's a bunch more money that I was originally planning to spend on such frivolity. It would also need to have the rear parking assist thing, and those are hard to find. Oh well, there are lots of nice used Oldsmobiles and LeSabres in the world.

But for now, we are young,
let us lay in the sun
and count every beautiful thing we can see.

Liver-Lips McGrowl

May 4th, 2006

Leila reminded me today that the circularity of life happens to everyone, but this week it seems fixated on replicating problems. Six months ago, I was prevented from going to a fun lunch by the same project that is making it hard to schedule the latest fun lunch today. It has to be the same company, and it has to be the same lunch.

It has to be teachers and students, it has to be lies, and I have to look like an idiot.

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.