Blog of Billy

I hear the plaintive cries of the people. You may proceed to fulfill the deep-seated urge to proclaim my hotness.

I had one of my rather entertaining bizarre dreams this weekend. It started out trying to get my brother (who, in the dream, is 7) into a Chuck E. Cheese's brand restaurant / video game parlor. I and someone else (I think Madeline) were told by the bouncer that unless we accompanied a child under 5, we could not come in. Luckily, there was a loophole in that if we were only coming in to do laundry, we could. I dashed out to my car and grabbed some bags of dirty clothes, and in we went. After what seemed like 15 minutes of driving around in the golf cart through the chapel in the back of Chuck E. Cheese, we went out to the video game area to see a bunch of college kids. It was nearing closing time, so we all decided to go to a party in a nearby apartment complex. There was festivity, and music, and adult beverages, and the like. Patrick and I swooned the ladies, and I met some guy who claims to have graduated from Memorial in 2002. At 4:15, people decided to settle in, and Patrick and I decided to go for some mini-golf. We ran through the elderlys' apartments, and finally came to the sunken pit where the mini-golf course was. It was ringed with railroad ties acting as a retaining wall, and still pitch black from the hour. We hopped in, and found the putters immediately. Off in the corner was a bucket of balls, and I went to go grab one. Before I stuck my hand in, I realized that there was a copperhead in the bucket. I started freaking out. I realized that everywhere I looked, there were writhing snakes. There was a waterfall to one side of the mini-golf course, and I realized that one of the boulders that made it up was actually a snake's head when it opened its jaws and snapped at the air. Patrick and I jumped out of the pit and onto the retaining wall. There he had a trio of newborn black kittens curled up in a ball. I heard him say the words "Don't forget the panic." Somehow, I knew that he was referring to a collection of kittens as a "panic." Immediately after, one fell into the pit, and I saw three snakes slithering toward its helpless little form. That's when I woke up, with a quickened pulse and disquieted sense of reality.

I found out only this weekend at the yearly McDowell family reunion that my grandfather's pickup line that worked on his latest (and by all indications most stable) wife was "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?" Some things never change.

I cannot eat the last package of a certain flavor of Pez until all the other flavors are down to their last package as well. This goes along with a psychosis I've had ever since dinner was two-portion-controlled during my childhood. It's probably the only way that 5 kids could be fed for so many years, but that doesn't stop me from keeping the stale Cinnamon Toasters in the bottom of the bag until even I can't take it and have to throw them away.

There is a faster way to find out